In those days, we finally chose to walk like giants, and hold the world in arms grown strong with love. And there may be many things we forget in the days to come, but this will not be one of them.
My name is Sarah. I fill this space with beautiful things I don't want to forget. And sometimes I write so I won't rot.
Lie Down In The Light
When I get filled up with any emotion I have to sit down and make myself write. Anger, sadness, monumental happiness, excitement, whatever the emotion – I need to write it down. It needs to be tangible. It needs to go somewhere outside of me before it overtakes me completely.
Someone once told me I feel too much; others call it an “artistic temperament” or “she’s just extra sensitive.” Both sound like some sort of disorder, some abnormality that I should correct to be more socially accepted or maybe just less crazy. But I can’t help it. Feeling is my way of being. Feeling is how I understand other people and how I come to grips with the world.
And right now I’m feeling angry. I wish I could harness anger into a more productive emotion, but I can’t channel Gandhi every day of the week. So I sit with it. I work my way around this emotion. I slam the keyboard with extra enthusiasm. I pick away at my own brain to try to determine if there is any justifiable reason for me to be feeling this way. Most of the time there isn’t. Most of the time when I allow myself to indulge in feelings like anger I immediately feel guilty because I know I should only be indulging in feelings of gratitude. But sometimes I just don’t get it. Sometimes I get so tired of trying to understand, and so tired of trusting other people. I forget that my way of being is not the status quo. That everyone feels differently, experiences differently, loves differently. That everyone has different motives, that everyone is fighting different battles. Why do we make things so difficult?
“There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I’m going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.”
We’re so helpless We’re slaves to our impulses We’re afraid of our emotions And no one knows where the shore is We’re divided by the ocean And the only thing I know is That the answer isn’t for us No the answer isn’t for us
